So Hard!

No one ever can prepare u for having a newborn in your life. I wish breastfeeding came easy for me as I know it has for some of my friends. The first week home was such a challenge. Bryn was only latching on to one breast and then I was pumping on the other. I felt like I wasnt bonding with my daughter like I feel I was supposed too. Then came on the crying all the time because I felt I was failing her and the overwhelming guilt. Like I wasnt giving her my all. So I decided to only pump and bottle feed. It is still time consuming and a lot of work, but it makes me feel like she is getting satisfied with every feeding and she is not fighting to latch on to me. So I'm storing as much as I can and not giving up. In this journey so far I told myself I wasnt going to lose who I was in the process but with this experience so far I felt like I have. I'm not the same person to my husband or even to other people. I have to put my foot down and say enough is enough when it is time. I just want the best for my daughter. I have to tell myself that losing me in the process is not the best for Bryn.